He called us to do this, He didn't say it would be easy.

              It has been a while since my last update, I wish I didn’t have time to do this now, but unfortunately I do. We had our sweet babies for three weeks before they were placed with a relative. It has been extremely hard on us; actually it has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. They left us eight days ago, the first few days I really didn’t know how we were going to get through it. I wish I could say that we knew this was what was best for them and that made it easier for us, but it didn’t. I also wish I could say, I stayed strong in my faith and never questioned God, nope I didn’t do that either.  I could not for the life of me make any sense of it, they were here for three weeks, they were perfect, and we were told time and time again that there was little to no chance of them going anywhere else. Why was this happening and what were we supposed to do now? I felt like there was no way I could ever go through this again, I was done. We tried, it didn’t work out the way WE wanted it to, sorry God but that’s it for me.  As I am letting Eric know of my decision, he of course is trying to convince me otherwise. In tough situations I am typically the strong one while he is much more sensitive and emotional (sorry babe, but you know it’s true). He reminded me that God called us to do this and He has a plan for the kids, and for us. He goes on to remind me of all of the other hurting children out there and the dreams he’s been having about all of the kids in the children’s shelter. Instead of listening to him and letting him be strong for me and help me through this, I was just annoyed! Who did he think he was, and why was he not as miserable as I was?

After some intense prayer and reflection I knew he was right. I still don’t understand why everything is unfolding the way it is, but I know that one day I will. Eric and I know that God has called us to do this but what I had forgotten is that He never promised that it would be easy.  While they were with us we loved them as our own, they were never foster kids to us, they were ours. Our hope and our prayer is that their relatives love them as much as we do. God does not make mistakes, everything He does is perfect and part of His plan, as hard as this is for us sometimes, it is also very comforting.

While it is difficult to think about moving on, we have to. I came across this the other day and it reminded me of why we have to do this “if only 6% of Christ followers adopted, the world’s orphanages would be empty.” Last weekend we met two more sweet little angels who need us. They will stay with us this weekend and we will decide how to move forward from there.

“I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” Matthew 25:40

We are so thankful to our family, friends, and church family who have prayed for us and been there for us every step of the way, we cannot imagine going through this without all of you.

This is what started the healing process for me:

“ Blessed are those who believe when there is no evidence of an answer to prayer-who trust beyond hope when all means have failed. 

Weeping will last through some dark, awful nights-and in that darkness you will soon hear the Father whisper, “I am with you. I cannot tell you why right now, but one day it will all make sense. You will see it was all part of my plan. It was no accident. It was no failure on your part. Hold fast. Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.”

Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love. When all means fail-His love prevails. Hold fast to your faith. Stand fast in his Word. There is no other hope in this world.”