On a daily basis we hear, “How’s it going?” “How’s life with
four kids?” “Has everyone adjusted?” In the interest of time our answers are, “We’re
good!” “We’re all adjusting.” “It’s busy!” So here’s the truth, it’s HARD! It
has been by far the most difficult thing we have done, harder than any placement
we have ever had.
Two weeks in we quit. We all quit. I called the caseworker
and told her we feel terrible about this but you need to find another place for
him. The fighting between he and Reese was like nothing I have ever seen, it
was constant, aggressive and loud. I felt like I wasn’t giving anyone what they
needed. I was breaking up fights, putting kids in time out, trying to teach a
two year old how to be in a family all while either holding a baby or letting
him cry in his jumper. Lanae started having issues at school and at home old
behaviors we had worked through were coming back. Everyone was struggling and
we felt like he needed to be in a family without other kids or with older kids
so the focus could really be on him. We tried and it was too much.
As hard as I tried I could not find peace in our decision. I
prayed so desperately to have peace about it, for God to let us know that this
was the right decision and it just wasn’t happening. I was so torn. Every time I
looked at his little face I wanted to cry and sometimes I did. As I was
wrestling with myself over this a sweet friend texted to see how we were doing.
I laid it all out for her and she offered to take on so much of it for us and she
said she would pray for God’s will to be clear so that we would have peace. That
was it for me, I knew that He was telling me to keep going but I didn’t want to.
I knew He would get us through this, but I was done. I felt like
my life had been hijacked and I wanted it back.
It’s been a little over a month and little man is still
here. We recommitted and have already seen growth all around. We realized that
we were expecting way too much out of everyone. This little guy went from being
an only child to one of four and he came from a home without stability or
structure. We gave Reese a little brother eight months ago and now we’ve given
him another one. He has to share his room, his toys, his clothes and his
family. That’s a lot to ask of a four year old, especially overnight.
It is still hard but we feel like we have turned a corner.
Some days are harder than others but at this point there are more good days than
bad.
