Home Sweet Home

     Alright, time to let the cat out of the bag. Tonight we had a pre placement visit with our FOREVER babies! They will be here tomorrow morning with all of their worldly possessions and in six months they will be Woolwines forever, whether they like it or not!  

     I will do my best to give you the short version of the story. Rewind back to the end of April, we had just said goodbye to our first three babies, I was an emotional wreck, and ready to throw in the towel on this whole adoption thing. I thought God had called us to do this, but I was starting to think that maybe I had heard him wrong.

     The kids left on a Monday and our agency called and asked us to go meet a couple of kids that Saturday to see if they might be a good fit for us. I wasn’t really that into it because it had only been five days since one of the worst days of my life. I agreed to do it because the parent’s rights were to be terminated the following week, which means if there isn’t a willing family member, adoption is the next step. We went and met the kids, they were adorable and sweet and we agreed to have them stay with us at our house the following weekend. The day before they were going to stay with us our agency called to say that they went to court and the parental rights were terminated, BUT the foster family decided they were going to adopt them after all. We were bummed, but at the same time, I felt a little relieved, as much as I wanted to adopt I knew my heart just wasn’t ready to jump back in yet.  

     Over the last four months we have been called or emailed about umpteen kiddos needing homes. We have said yes more than we have said no and have been turned down over and over again. Again, I was questioning whether or not I heard God correctly. On August 2nd, I received an email from our agency about two kids needing adoptive placement, when I saw their names in the subject line I nearly came out of my skin. I did not say a word, I handed the computer to Eric, he looked at me and without saying a word he picked up the phone and called our agency.

     Turns out the family decided not to adopt after all. We found out last Friday that our homestudy had been approved, they were here for a few hours tonight, and tomorrow morning they will be here forever. I cannot even begin to list all of the ways that we have seen God’s hand in this story. We feel that when we met them the first time he was giving us a glimpse of what was to come. He knew I wasn’t there yet but he said look what I have for you, when you’re ready. Last week we found out that before we even knew these kids were going to be moved the other foster family had already given our name to CPS as a possible placement. They were working on getting them here and we had no idea.

     Needless to say, it will be a circus around here for the next few months. We still have our two foster babies so we will have four kids under the age of five until it is time for our sweet foster babies to return home.

    
He is father to fatherless and two more orphans have found their earthly mommy and daddy because of Him. Oh happy day!     

Shhhh............they're sleeping!

     It has been a rough few weeks but I am happy to report that progress is being made! We were definitely not prepared for the behavior issues we have had this time around. I fully expected these two to be a piece of cake, two kids are easier than three, right? WRONG!!! The first two weeks were especially difficult because we had to figure out which behaviors were typical, toddler-pushing-the-limits stuff and which behaviors were stemming from traumatized babies in an unfamiliar place. By some of the looks they gave us I know they were thinking where are we, who are these weirdos, why does that woman insist on putting those stupid bows in my hair, and why are they telling us what to do? In her 20 months and his 3 years we are the fourth set of "parents" they have lived with. The first few days we worked mostly on building trust. Once they realized they were safe and loved it was time to lay down the law. This included tons of time outs, a place all your own to scream to your little heart's content (FYI: while in the car rolling the windows down and turning the radio up stops the screaming instantly!), a lock on the toy box (you WILL take a nap!), etc.

     Although it has been a rough road so far, seeing the progress they have already made has been oh so rewarding. When our little buddy boy got here he was saying one to two words and a speech evaluation was already set up to address CPS concerns. He is now (without speech therapy) putting six to seven words together. His progress has been awesome and exhausting!

He follows me around most of the day and it sounds a little something like this:
I: "Mama"
I: "Mama"
I: "Mama"
I: "Maaaaammmmmmaaaaaaa!"
Me: "What Buddy?"
I: "What are you doing?"
I: "Cooking?" "Going potty?" (standing outside the bathroom door) "Washing dishes?" (the list goes on)
Me: "Yes"
I: "Oh"

     He has also learned how to answer questions instead of just repeating the last two words of the question we ask him. Last night I asked him, "How many times do I have to ask you to stop doing that before you actually stop?" His response: "Two!" If only that were true. Little sister is getting the hang of using words instead of pointing and screaming and is also answering questions. This morning when I picked her up out of her crib I asked, "Are you going to be a good girl today?" Her response: "Nooooo." Awesome, thanks for the heads up! I do however appreciate her honesty!

The next task to tackle? Potty training a 3 year old! Lord, help me!

Round 2

     Here we go again! Tonight we were placed with two more little angels, a three year old little boy and his eighteen month old sister.

     Over the past two months we have had many calls for placements, we have turned down a few but for the most part we have said yes and then the placement has fallen through for whatever reason. We were really upset after our first kiddos left and we had to think long and hard about what to do next. I was totally over foster, it is way too hard for me and I am just not strong enough to handle all of the emotion that goes with it. Eric was still willing to foster but I said, no way no how, we were only going to accept foster to adopt placements. Well, that lasted a couple of weeks before God reminded me who was in control. I realized that I had built walls around my heart in an attempt to protect myself from being hurt again. By doing that I was thinking only of myself. I was not thinking about the kids out there who need us and I wasn't thinking about how my husband felt either. I made a decision for all of us, and that was that. I was trying to take control instead of letting God lead me. The walls came down and we jumped in blind, we knew nothing about these kids, not even their names, until they got here tonight. This is a foster placement, we will not be adopting these kiddos. We know this up front, unlike last time where we were told over and over again that we probably would adopt them. I can't go too much into the family situation but their mother is very young, she loves her kids, she just does not have the support she needs to care for them right now. We don't know how long we will have these babies, we just hope to be a blessing not only to them but to their mother as well.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.      Jeremiah 29:11

He called us to do this, He didn't say it would be easy.

              It has been a while since my last update, I wish I didn’t have time to do this now, but unfortunately I do. We had our sweet babies for three weeks before they were placed with a relative. It has been extremely hard on us; actually it has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. They left us eight days ago, the first few days I really didn’t know how we were going to get through it. I wish I could say that we knew this was what was best for them and that made it easier for us, but it didn’t. I also wish I could say, I stayed strong in my faith and never questioned God, nope I didn’t do that either.  I could not for the life of me make any sense of it, they were here for three weeks, they were perfect, and we were told time and time again that there was little to no chance of them going anywhere else. Why was this happening and what were we supposed to do now? I felt like there was no way I could ever go through this again, I was done. We tried, it didn’t work out the way WE wanted it to, sorry God but that’s it for me.  As I am letting Eric know of my decision, he of course is trying to convince me otherwise. In tough situations I am typically the strong one while he is much more sensitive and emotional (sorry babe, but you know it’s true). He reminded me that God called us to do this and He has a plan for the kids, and for us. He goes on to remind me of all of the other hurting children out there and the dreams he’s been having about all of the kids in the children’s shelter. Instead of listening to him and letting him be strong for me and help me through this, I was just annoyed! Who did he think he was, and why was he not as miserable as I was?

After some intense prayer and reflection I knew he was right. I still don’t understand why everything is unfolding the way it is, but I know that one day I will. Eric and I know that God has called us to do this but what I had forgotten is that He never promised that it would be easy.  While they were with us we loved them as our own, they were never foster kids to us, they were ours. Our hope and our prayer is that their relatives love them as much as we do. God does not make mistakes, everything He does is perfect and part of His plan, as hard as this is for us sometimes, it is also very comforting.

While it is difficult to think about moving on, we have to. I came across this the other day and it reminded me of why we have to do this “if only 6% of Christ followers adopted, the world’s orphanages would be empty.” Last weekend we met two more sweet little angels who need us. They will stay with us this weekend and we will decide how to move forward from there.

“I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” Matthew 25:40

We are so thankful to our family, friends, and church family who have prayed for us and been there for us every step of the way, we cannot imagine going through this without all of you.

This is what started the healing process for me:

“ Blessed are those who believe when there is no evidence of an answer to prayer-who trust beyond hope when all means have failed. 

Weeping will last through some dark, awful nights-and in that darkness you will soon hear the Father whisper, “I am with you. I cannot tell you why right now, but one day it will all make sense. You will see it was all part of my plan. It was no accident. It was no failure on your part. Hold fast. Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.”

Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love. When all means fail-His love prevails. Hold fast to your faith. Stand fast in his Word. There is no other hope in this world.”

Ready or Not Here We Go!!!

WOW! What a week it has been.  Our caseworker called last week to let us know we were officially licensed, while on the phone with her she gave me a list of six different sibling groups that were in a children’s shelter. As she was telling me what she knew about each group I felt an immediate connection to one of the groups and I felt that God was putting them on my heart. I couldn’t explain the feeling and I still can’t, but I knew we were supposed to bring these kids home.

            Eric and I had agreed that we would take up to two kids if it meant keeping siblings together. Well, the group I felt so strongly about was a group of three. At first Eric was reluctant and who can blame him. We would be going from 0 to 3 kids in what seemed like a matter of seconds. Oh, and did I mention they are all under the age of 3? Yep, two and a half year old twins and a nine week old baby boy. We talked about it for a couple of days and decided to go for it. April 11th would be the day we would be getting them so we started preparing the best we knew how, which included a lot of shopping! Our agency called on Friday, April 1st to ask if we could take them any sooner, if not they would probably have to go somewhere else. Without hesitation we said, absolutely! They would be here Monday, April 4th. We were excited, anxious, and extremely overwhelmed.

            Yesterday evening we met the twins for the first time. Unfortunately, the baby is in the hospital so we have not met him yet. Our first night was very smooth, they settled in very quickly, and it almost seemed like we had all been together for months. They are absolutely precious and we can’t wait to see what God’s plan is for them. We don’t know how long we will have them but we will love them and do anything we can for them for however long God wants us to.

My mother-in-law sent this to us and it sums up why we feel called to do what we are doing:

Gracious and Loving God,

You are the Great Foster Parent,

When we were lost, orphaned, and alone,

You found a way to make us your children.

Thank You.

Each and every day, You “foster” us into being a people

who reflect your Spirit to the world.

Thank You.

Foster in us those qualities that You so richly

pour out on us;

You are loving.

Help us to show unconditional love

to the children You have placed in our care.

You are patient.

Help us to be patient even when we despair

of seeing progress.

God,

You are kind.

Help us to always be full of kindness with a

gentle and firm hand.

Most of all, God,

You are faithful.

You never give up on us,

even when we blow it.

When we are hurting You are always there.

Help us to be like You;

May we never give up on our children.

God,

You showed how much You honor foster parents

by giving your only Son into the care of Mary and Joseph

who helped raise him to be the man You wished him to be.

Thank You.

And thank You for allowing us to be a part of helping

children discover your purpose for their lives.

We ask for your blessing upon the food.

When so many the world over are hungry,

help us to be grateful and generous.

As we celebrate together today,

we look forward to the day when all

of your children will be safe, healthy, and

can truly live in that wonderful place

all of us long for, that is known simply as “Home.”

In your precious and holy Name, we pray.

Amen

Patience is a Virtue

     During our first training class we decided that we wanted to finish our part of the process as quickly as possible. Within a month of applying with our agency we had finished all of our training classes, we completed the mountain of paperwork, we had TB tests done, we were FBI fingerprinted, we were CPR and first aid certified, and our home had passed a fire and a health inspection. We were feeling great about checking everything off the list so quickly and being that much closer to bringing our baby home. The final step before being licensed by the state was our homestudy.

     When I first heard about the homestudy, I have to admit, I was a little nervous. In my mind the caseworker would come in, interrogate us, find all of the reasons we would not be good parents, and the process would end there, dramatic, I know, but that was the visual I had. Since we had completed everything else so quickly, we fully anticipated having our homestudy done by Christmas, unfortunately, this was not the case. For the first time throughout the entire process we seemed to be at a stand still and my patience quickly became non-existent. I just could not wrap my mind around the fact that our hearts and our home were ready and there was no reason that our child should have to spend one more second in the environment they were in. I tried to remind myself that we were not in control and the timing was not up to us. I know that this is God's plan and not ours, but it was difficult for me to let go of my agenda and my time frame, I felt completely helpless. After a few weeks of feeling this way, I realized that my impatience was showing a lack of trust in His plan. A few weeks ago a friend who is much wiser than I am, said to me, "maybe your baby isn't born yet." It hit me like a ton of bricks, she was right, there is no way for us to understand God's plan for us because we aren't supposed to understand, it is too big for us to even begin to comprehend. I mean seriously, it had only been four and a half months, it was time for me to let go and chill out!

     I wish I could say that through my revelation my impatience was gone, unfortunately, my patience is still very much a work in progress. I was able to handle it much better with subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) reminders from my sweet husband, it was also encouraging to talk with friends who have already been through the process as well as friends that are at the same point we are. It was good to know that I was not the only one who felt this way.

     Two weeks ago, I received a message from our agency saying they were ready to schedule our homestudy. All of the nervousness I had felt before turned into excitement. Through my excitement I had another realization, maybe I actually needed this "gift of time" I had been given so that He could prepare me even more for what was to come. I still felt a little nervous, but it was more of an excited kind of nervous. I was no longer worried about the caseworker trying to find reasons we couldn't or shouldn't be parents, because she is trying to achieve the same goal we are, to provide a loving home for a child that needs one. I quickly called the agency back to set a date, the caseworker I spoke with said they had several homestudies scheduled in the coming weeks and they would call us back to schedule ours in the next two to three weeks. My initial reaction was "two to three weeks, are you kidding me?" I called Eric and  he helped me to put it into perspective, at least we were making progress and moving forward. I hate to admit it but he was right again! An hour later our agency called back to ask if we would be ready for our homestudy the following week instead of the two to three weeks they had mentioned earlier. I almost fell out of my chair, of course we were ready! It was official, we had a date and a time!


But if we look forward to something we don't yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently. Romans 8:25

Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised. Hebrews 10:36

What's Next?

     Now that we had decided to move forward with the adoption process everything seemed to move very quickly. I immediately thought back to the guest speaker at our previous church and went to that agency's website for more information. As I was looking at checklists and paperwork to be completed, I became extremely overwhelmed. That feeling became more intense when I saw that the next training session was in six days. There was no way that we would be able to get everything together in time to attend the training, we would have to wait three months until the next session. I went to Eric with the bad news, he looked at me and said, "if we are going to do this, let's do it!" So, I signed up and we attended our first twelve-hour training class on October 30, 2010.

     Our first class was extremely eye opening, it changed our minds about everything we thought we knew. We went into it thinking we knew exactly what we had signed up for and exactly what we wanted. We were not even going to consider fostering, we were only interested in straight adoption. After all, it would be way too hard on us to bring a child into our home, fall in love with them, only to have to let them go. One hour into training and our minds had been changed. We went into this wanting to serve and wanting to be the hands, feet, and voice of Jesus for these broken children. What we realized is that we were wanting to do this on our terms. It did not take long for us to understand that, that is not the way it works, we can't say okay God we will do this but we want to do it our way. How can we say no, when we have a loving home to give a hurting child. Ultimately, we want to adopt, we want to give a child a forever home and a forever family. If God gives us a child for a week, a month, or even a year and then they go back to their parents or whomever, we have to know and trust that this is His will and part of His plan. Will it break our hearts? Without a doubt, but, how long is not up to us. All we can do is love and care for them for the amount of time we are given.

"Heal my heart and make it clean
Open my eyes to things unseen
Show me how to love like You loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth to eternity"