Patience is a Virtue

     During our first training class we decided that we wanted to finish our part of the process as quickly as possible. Within a month of applying with our agency we had finished all of our training classes, we completed the mountain of paperwork, we had TB tests done, we were FBI fingerprinted, we were CPR and first aid certified, and our home had passed a fire and a health inspection. We were feeling great about checking everything off the list so quickly and being that much closer to bringing our baby home. The final step before being licensed by the state was our homestudy.

     When I first heard about the homestudy, I have to admit, I was a little nervous. In my mind the caseworker would come in, interrogate us, find all of the reasons we would not be good parents, and the process would end there, dramatic, I know, but that was the visual I had. Since we had completed everything else so quickly, we fully anticipated having our homestudy done by Christmas, unfortunately, this was not the case. For the first time throughout the entire process we seemed to be at a stand still and my patience quickly became non-existent. I just could not wrap my mind around the fact that our hearts and our home were ready and there was no reason that our child should have to spend one more second in the environment they were in. I tried to remind myself that we were not in control and the timing was not up to us. I know that this is God's plan and not ours, but it was difficult for me to let go of my agenda and my time frame, I felt completely helpless. After a few weeks of feeling this way, I realized that my impatience was showing a lack of trust in His plan. A few weeks ago a friend who is much wiser than I am, said to me, "maybe your baby isn't born yet." It hit me like a ton of bricks, she was right, there is no way for us to understand God's plan for us because we aren't supposed to understand, it is too big for us to even begin to comprehend. I mean seriously, it had only been four and a half months, it was time for me to let go and chill out!

     I wish I could say that through my revelation my impatience was gone, unfortunately, my patience is still very much a work in progress. I was able to handle it much better with subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) reminders from my sweet husband, it was also encouraging to talk with friends who have already been through the process as well as friends that are at the same point we are. It was good to know that I was not the only one who felt this way.

     Two weeks ago, I received a message from our agency saying they were ready to schedule our homestudy. All of the nervousness I had felt before turned into excitement. Through my excitement I had another realization, maybe I actually needed this "gift of time" I had been given so that He could prepare me even more for what was to come. I still felt a little nervous, but it was more of an excited kind of nervous. I was no longer worried about the caseworker trying to find reasons we couldn't or shouldn't be parents, because she is trying to achieve the same goal we are, to provide a loving home for a child that needs one. I quickly called the agency back to set a date, the caseworker I spoke with said they had several homestudies scheduled in the coming weeks and they would call us back to schedule ours in the next two to three weeks. My initial reaction was "two to three weeks, are you kidding me?" I called Eric and  he helped me to put it into perspective, at least we were making progress and moving forward. I hate to admit it but he was right again! An hour later our agency called back to ask if we would be ready for our homestudy the following week instead of the two to three weeks they had mentioned earlier. I almost fell out of my chair, of course we were ready! It was official, we had a date and a time!


But if we look forward to something we don't yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently. Romans 8:25

Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised. Hebrews 10:36

What's Next?

     Now that we had decided to move forward with the adoption process everything seemed to move very quickly. I immediately thought back to the guest speaker at our previous church and went to that agency's website for more information. As I was looking at checklists and paperwork to be completed, I became extremely overwhelmed. That feeling became more intense when I saw that the next training session was in six days. There was no way that we would be able to get everything together in time to attend the training, we would have to wait three months until the next session. I went to Eric with the bad news, he looked at me and said, "if we are going to do this, let's do it!" So, I signed up and we attended our first twelve-hour training class on October 30, 2010.

     Our first class was extremely eye opening, it changed our minds about everything we thought we knew. We went into it thinking we knew exactly what we had signed up for and exactly what we wanted. We were not even going to consider fostering, we were only interested in straight adoption. After all, it would be way too hard on us to bring a child into our home, fall in love with them, only to have to let them go. One hour into training and our minds had been changed. We went into this wanting to serve and wanting to be the hands, feet, and voice of Jesus for these broken children. What we realized is that we were wanting to do this on our terms. It did not take long for us to understand that, that is not the way it works, we can't say okay God we will do this but we want to do it our way. How can we say no, when we have a loving home to give a hurting child. Ultimately, we want to adopt, we want to give a child a forever home and a forever family. If God gives us a child for a week, a month, or even a year and then they go back to their parents or whomever, we have to know and trust that this is His will and part of His plan. Will it break our hearts? Without a doubt, but, how long is not up to us. All we can do is love and care for them for the amount of time we are given.

"Heal my heart and make it clean
Open my eyes to things unseen
Show me how to love like You loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth to eternity"

How it all began...

     Adoption has been on my heart since I was in high school. I'm not sure when I began to think about it or why, but I did. After Eric and I were married we knew we wanted children, it was just a matter of when. I talked to him about how I felt about adoption and we agreed that if we were unable to have children of our own we would adopt.

     Three years after our initial conversation about adoption we had a guest speaker from a local foster care and adoption agency speak to our congregation about the need for more foster and adoptive parents. After church I brought it up to Eric again, and again we agreed that we would definitely adopt if we had to. We talked about it off and on and I would occasionally look at websites to see what we would have to do if we ever wanted to pursue this. After some research I would always end up talking myself out of it.

     As time went on I felt more and more convicted to do something about these babies that needed homes. I prayed about it often but I did not let Eric know how strong my feelings were.  In October of 2010 after months of discussion we decided to try a new church. We had been very happy at our previous church over the past five years but we just felt that we wanted and needed more. We found a new church home and it has been truly amazing to see all of the pieces come perfectly together. Our new church has an amazing love for the orphan and after only two Sundays, God was putting adoption on my heart more than ever. I decided to bring it up to Eric again, I said, "I know we agreed that we would pursue this if we could not have biological children BUT what if we just do it anyway." I was expecting him to say that we should talk about it more, or give it some more thought, but much to my surprise he said, "okay, what do we need to do?" Right then and there I said, "Okay God, I'm listening." I realized that all this time I had been telling Him no. Well, He wasn't taking no for an answer! Once I finally said yes, we will answer your call, He confirmed to us over and over again that this is what He wanted us to do.


Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.   James 1:27