During our first training class we decided that we wanted to finish our part of the process as quickly as possible. Within a month of applying with our agency we had finished all of our training classes, we completed the mountain of paperwork, we had TB tests done, we were FBI fingerprinted, we were CPR and first aid certified, and our home had passed a fire and a health inspection. We were feeling great about checking everything off the list so quickly and being that much closer to bringing our baby home. The final step before being licensed by the state was our homestudy.
When I first heard about the homestudy, I have to admit, I was a little nervous. In my mind the caseworker would come in, interrogate us, find all of the reasons we would not be good parents, and the process would end there, dramatic, I know, but that was the visual I had. Since we had completed everything else so quickly, we fully anticipated having our homestudy done by Christmas, unfortunately, this was not the case. For the first time throughout the entire process we seemed to be at a stand still and my patience quickly became non-existent. I just could not wrap my mind around the fact that our hearts and our home were ready and there was no reason that our child should have to spend one more second in the environment they were in. I tried to remind myself that we were not in control and the timing was not up to us. I know that this is God's plan and not ours, but it was difficult for me to let go of my agenda and my time frame, I felt completely helpless. After a few weeks of feeling this way, I realized that my impatience was showing a lack of trust in His plan. A few weeks ago a friend who is much wiser than I am, said to me, "maybe your baby isn't born yet." It hit me like a ton of bricks, she was right, there is no way for us to understand God's plan for us because we aren't supposed to understand, it is too big for us to even begin to comprehend. I mean seriously, it had only been four and a half months, it was time for me to let go and chill out!
I wish I could say that through my revelation my impatience was gone, unfortunately, my patience is still very much a work in progress. I was able to handle it much better with subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) reminders from my sweet husband, it was also encouraging to talk with friends who have already been through the process as well as friends that are at the same point we are. It was good to know that I was not the only one who felt this way.
Two weeks ago, I received a message from our agency saying they were ready to schedule our homestudy. All of the nervousness I had felt before turned into excitement. Through my excitement I had another realization, maybe I actually needed this "gift of time" I had been given so that He could prepare me even more for what was to come. I still felt a little nervous, but it was more of an excited kind of nervous. I was no longer worried about the caseworker trying to find reasons we couldn't or shouldn't be parents, because she is trying to achieve the same goal we are, to provide a loving home for a child that needs one. I quickly called the agency back to set a date, the caseworker I spoke with said they had several homestudies scheduled in the coming weeks and they would call us back to schedule ours in the next two to three weeks. My initial reaction was "two to three weeks, are you kidding me?" I called Eric and he helped me to put it into perspective, at least we were making progress and moving forward. I hate to admit it but he was right again! An hour later our agency called back to ask if we would be ready for our homestudy the following week instead of the two to three weeks they had mentioned earlier. I almost fell out of my chair, of course we were ready! It was official, we had a date and a time!
But if we look forward to something we don't yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently. Romans 8:25
Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised. Hebrews 10:36
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